Skip to main content

My Demons

Oct 11, 2013 12:55PM, Published by Erik Dittmann, Categories: People




By: Kyle Jacobson

     My neck itches.  Itches so bad it burns.  I try not to twist in an effort to keep the pain tolerable, but only succeed in creating a more general discomfort, like getting out of the bed after sleeping funny.  The swaying itself doesn’t really help.  I know how this is supposed to end.  I know how this is going to end.  That’s what gets me.  Through the pain I need to find time to relive what got me here in the first place.

     Lucky O’Connor’s Irish Pub:  original name for an Irish bar.  If that’s not enough, how about the bartender/owner named Patty.  The place was simple; a bar running the length of a hallway with stools so close to the back wall seated customers could lean on it.  When drunk enough, that wall became a lifesaver.  It was on one of those nights where the wall had caught me countless times that all this happened.

     I felt it now.  Like an unseen spider; one leg at a time casually creeping the nape of my neck.  I don’t swat it.  It’d be pointless.  I’ve learned the futility of such actions.  The spider taunts me.  It could bite me at any moment, but it won’t.  It just wishes to make me aware… to remind me.  Then I’m pushed ever so slightly.  The rope tightens around my neck and the burning grows to a level of unworldly pain.  I want to scream, but the rope is tight enough for a lump of pure panic to get stuck under it.

     The wall of whiskey was something the most experienced of alcoholics would be proud of.  For no reason in particular, that night, I decided to sample only the best.  Shot after shot slid playfully down my neck; itching…

     Burning

…burning the inside of my throat.  A score of whiskey shots in a couple of hours of blissful masochism made me drunk enough to know that it was time to go home, and confident enough to know I could drive.  I stumbled out the door into the forsaken fog of the night.

     I can barely breathe.  The burning pain coupled with asphyxiation is more than welcoming.  I pray for my eyes to finally roll back and allow me an escape.  Just this once, please, let it happen.

     How I managed to find my keys, insert the correct one into the door, unlock it, find the driver’s seat, start the car, and even buckle my seat belt is beyond me.  I took the back roads in an effort to avoid coming into contact with pedestrians…

     “See, it was an accident,” I think as loud as I can.  The thing hears me and tightens the noose.  The pain is unbearable, it is a comfort.  It is as though Satan blessed this rope with fiery angst and allowed it wielding without limits.

     …I took the back roads in an effort to avoid a ticket.  As I’m going downhill into an impossibly dense patch of fog it happens.  I see the headlights of a minivan packed with a family of five.  I swerve into wide-eyed faces.  They swerve into the fog.  In my rearview mirror I see headlights dancing.  They fade as I speed up and drive away.

     Just before things go black the rope snaps.  I live.  It’s been twenty years… and I still live.  I should buy a gun, I grab another length of rope, that’d be too easy, and tie another noose.



fiction kyle jacobson my demons


It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

  • Fit-A-Thon

    01/21/2017
    08:00AM — 11:00AM

    FREE for Everyone! Invite your friends and family! (Check in begins at 7:45 in the gymnasium...


  • FAMILY EVENT: Music Lab with Julie Mazer

    01/21/2017
    09:30AM — 12:00PM

    Uncover your little one’s innate musicality with music-making activities using their voice, body ...


  • James and the Giant Peach

    01/21/2017
    02:00PM

    When James is sent by his conniving aunts to chop down their old fruit tree, he discovers a magic...


  • Hiking by Candlelight

    01/21/2017
    05:00PM — 09:00PM

    Hiking by candlelight, a roaring bonfire, roasted marshmallows and warm refreshments await everyo...


  • SLP Christmas Party

    01/21/2017
    09:00PM — 10:30PM

    Having our Christmas Party. Excited to have Justin Regner playing for the event. Party is all day...


It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

  • Homeschool Community Meet-up

    01/24/2017
    01:00PM — 03:00PM

    An opportunity to meet, mingle, play, talk and learn with other homeschooling families and the Yo...


  • Annual Dinner

    01/25/2017
    05:00PM — 08:00PM

    Join the Chamber as they celebrate the Business, Citizen & Non-Profit of the Year for 2016 on Jan...


  • Join us Wednesday, January 25, from 6-7 p.m. to learn about registration process, open enrollment...


  • FAMILY EVENT: Morning Play Date

    01/26/2017
    10:00AM — 11:00PM

    Spend a morning meeting new friends at DreamBank. While the kids enjoy interactive story time and...


  • Hiking by Candlelight

    01/21/2017
    05:00PM — 09:00PM

    Hiking by candlelight, a roaring bonfire, roasted marshmallows and warm refreshments await everyo...


  • Homeschool Community Meet-up

    01/24/2017
    01:00PM — 03:00PM

    An opportunity to meet, mingle, play, talk and learn with other homeschooling families and the Yo...


  • For the third year ever, the Godfather Daniel Buchner brings you WINTER SUCKS ROCK DOES NOT night...


  • BDACT Annual Celebration

    01/28/2017
    05:00PM

    The public is invited to attend the annual end of season celebration for the Beaver Dam Area Comm...


  • Special Touch Beaver Dam Chapter meeting

    02/03/2017
    06:15PM — 08:00PM

    The meeting will start at 6:15pm with tacos. After singing we will do the " Word Walk" "Mercy -...


  • Flick N' Float

    02/03/2017
    07:00PM — 08:30PM

    Family Adventure Pool Doors open at 6:45 pm Movie starts at 7:00 pm Members: FREE Non Mem...


  • Saturday Science at Discovery

    02/04/2017
    10:00AM — 12:00PM

    Science and sports collide during this free event held on the first Saturday of every month! Expl...


  • Winter Day At The Park

    02/11/2017
    08:00AM — 04:00PM

    A Winter Day at the Park: Model Horse Show ADS Sleigh Competition Bobsled Rides Skijoring Com...


  • American Hero & Ice Queen

    02/11/2017
    10:00AM — 12:00PM

    Calling all Superheros and Princesses - join us for a magical time! Crafts Face Painting Refr...


  • Bowl For Kids Sake-Beaver Dam

    02/18/2017
    12:00PM — 03:00PM

    February 18, 2017 Tower Lanes – Beaver Dam 9-Pin Tap Bowl-a-Thon Fundraiser 11:30 a.m. for ch...


High School Sports
Weekly Recipes