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Stump The Beaver: March/April 2014

Mar 14, 2014 03:07PM ● Published by Erik Dittmann

Here’s Chippy the Beaver celebrating National Popcorn Day on January 19, 2014.

By: The Beaver 

Dear Stump, My mom and I really loved the popcorn box costume you had on this weekend.  When is your birthday?  What did you think of the road construction by your house?  Was it noisy?  Did you have to take a bath every night to get all the stuff off your body?  Beaver Dam will always be the BEST!!  Your Friend, Hanna  

Answer:  I love birch-bark birthday cake, so I celebrate three birthdays every year: 

            1)         January 28th, when my seed fell from the cone,

            2)         May 26th, when I germinated, and

            3)         September 28th, when I was carved into a beaver. 

The road construction on Park Avenue was a tad dusty, but I didn't mind, because it was a warm summer and I enjoyed getting hosed off.  Note:  I'm not sure why the street is called "Park Avenue" since parking is not permitted.  Do you think it should be renamed "No Park Avenue"?  Your Friend, Stump

 

Forest from Chengdu, China, asks:  Is it true that Justin Bieber is responsible for Beaver Fever?

Answer:  Beaver Fever (Giardia) is caused by miserable, little, stinky, parasitic, out-of-control, brainless invaders from Canada, with absolutely no musical talent, so I fail to see the connection with Mr. Bieber.

 

Jim from Beaver Dam asks:  Do beavers hibernate during the winter?

Answer:  We don't usually hibernate; however, it was kinda tempting to hibernate through this last killer winter!  Rather than hibernating, we spend Wisconsin winters inside our cozy Beaver Lodges, which we stockpile with food during the summer and fall.  The entrance to our lodge is underneath the water, to keep out predators.  However, once inside, the rooms are above the waterline, so we have a dry place where we watch "Leave it to Beaver" reruns.  How about that Eddie Haskell . . . 

 

Sena from Beaver Dam asks:  I saw a huge beaver in Idaho that must have weighed 90 pounds; do they often get that big?

 Answer:  Most adult beavers are in the 50-75 pound range, but some well-fed beavers can reach 100 pounds.  Over the holidays, I occasionally tip the scales at 85 pounds, but then slim down at the "Y" after my blue jeans start getting a little too tight around the brisket. 

Speaking of the "Y," have you seen the good-looking beaver slide by the swimming pool?  When coming down the slide, you are actually cascading down her huge green tongue, which has got to be the largest tongue in the entire animal kingdom!  Except for Miley Cyrus, of course.

 Send your questions to:  Beav@localeben.com

In Print, Today birthday comedy national popcorn day justin bieber canada
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