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War and Peace

Apr 25, 2014 09:14PM ● Published by Kyle Jacobson

By: Kyle Jacobson

     “Time for bed.”

     “Nope.”

     “Go to bed.”

     “Story first.”

     “Fine, once upon a time.”

     “Heard it.”

     “No, this is different.”

     “Sounds the same.”

     “Yeah, all good stories start this way.”

     “But you never told me a good story.”

     “Do you want to hear the story or not?”

     “Which one?”

     “The one I’m telling you!”

     “I want to hear a different one.”

     “Fine, once upon a time-“

     “It’s the same one!”

     “No, it’s different, just let me finish.  Once upon a time, there were two bunnies.”

     “What were their names?”

     “I’ll tell you if you let me finish. There were two bunnies named, uh, Jerry and Buh- Buddy.”

     “You just made that up.”

     “Yeah, I’m making up the story.”

     “Stu and Ralph.”

     “What?”

     “Their names are Stu and Ralph.”

     “Fine, two bunnies named Stu and Ralph went out to the countryside to find carrots.”

     “Carrots are bad for bunnies.”

     “Well they like carrots.”

     “No, too much sugar.”

     “Fine, what do bunnies eat?”

     “Leafy greens.”

     “Okay, Stu and Ralph went out to find cabbage.”

     “No, not enough nutrients.”

     “Fine, what do they want to eat?”

     “Leafy greens.”

     “Which ones?”

     “I dunno, I’m five.”

     “Stu and Ralph went out to find leafy greens. Is that better?”

     “Much.”

     “Why do you hate me?”

     “Keep going.”

     “Once upon a time, two bunnies named Stu and Ralph went out to the countryside to find some carrots, err, leafy greens. On the way they ran into a witch.”

     “Was she scary?”

     “Of course.”

     “Not all witches are scary.”

     “Well, this one was.”

     “Oh.”

     “We good?”

     “We good.”

     “Okay, this witch was rather fond of rabbit stew.”

     “Why didn’t she like Ralph?”

     “No, like soup stew, not Stu the rabbit, though he would be a nice addition to her rabbit stew.”

     “That’s confusing.”

     “Just get it.”

     “Got it.”

     “Okay then. So, with her crystal ball, the witch could see that the bunnies were coming to her garden, full of leafy greens. She readied her traps to catch the bunnies.”

     “This story is boring.”

     “Yeah.”

     “Tell a better one.”

     “Go to sleep.”

     “Tell it!”

     “Fine! Once upon a time there was a daughter who wouldn’t sleep.”

     “Me.”

     “Yes, and her daddy was very annoyed with her.”

     “Why?”

     “Go to sleep!”

     “Will you sleep with me?”

     “It’s not daddy’s bedtime.”

     “Then why is it my bedtime?”

     “Because you’re five.”

     “You’re a hundred.”

     “Daddy is not a hundred.”

     Another late night at the office. Over the buzzing television, “Sorry I didn’t call.” No response. She walks to the living room, her daughter lies curled under her husband’s arm. Exhausted, she turns off the television, sidles into her husband, and joins in his peace.

Today, People fiction kyle jacobson war and peace
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